


There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

by golddustxharry



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst galore, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, peggy is a pal, steve doesn't survive the crash in the artic, steve has depression, this is super angsty sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 22:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13087035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golddustxharry/pseuds/golddustxharry
Summary: This is my second Stevebucky oneshot, but this one is definitely more depressing than the last. Please read the tags to avoid any triggers! All/any constructive criticism is welcome!Hope you enjoy!xoxo





	There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths.
> 
> Also I know it's kinda short, but I feel like this is concise enough to work.
> 
> Come find me at my tumblr and say hi! (@/belong2nocity)

Steve never used to have a problem with alcohol. Growing up poor, in Brooklyn, alcohol was a luxury. Cheap beer was easy to come by, but it wasn’t potent enough to get someone drunk after only a few. Booze, like whiskey or vodka, was rarely ever seen around the house of Steven Grant Rogers; too expensive to even give a thought to wasting money on a bottle. And even if the Rogers could afford to drink more often, the Prohibition of the 1920s reared its ugly head, leaving the citizens forcibly sober. Steve's only brush with alcohol before the serum was one night Bucky stole a bottle from his parents' liquor cabinet, the two of them sneaking off to share it. Even once he became “Captain America”, Steve never really paid attention to alcohol. He had more than enough money to afford it, sure, but Steve was too preoccupied with taking down Hydra bases, and making sure his best friend made it back to America alive. The Howling Commandos, complete with both Steve and Bucky, relinquished their control over liquor except for the rare nights where they could make it to the local dive bar and forget about the horrors of the war they were amidst. 

 

And then Bucky fell.

Peggy found Steve in the ruined remains of a local dive, his uniform the only thing that didn’t seem out of place. Steve sat, staring off into the distance, not moving except for his hand bringing the liquor bottle to his lips. Steve never had time to test the newfound alcohol tolerance that came with his new body, but tolerance didn’t really matter when Steve was drowning himself in hard liquor. Silent tears ran down his cheeks as he drew ragged breaths, not sure if he believed that his best friend – his partner in crime, love of his life – was dead. The scene itself was ironic at best; Bucky was the one that enjoyed alcohol much more than Steve. Bucky enjoyed the taste, and to him getting drunk was just part of the charm. Such a contrast to the present, and Steve's desperation to get mind-numbingly drunk in order to ease the pain of his loss. Peggy tried to talk to Steve, to get any form of a reaction out of him, but Steve was too far in shock for the words to register; he barely realized that she was standing in front of him. Steve's life with Bucky was flashing before his eyes, from schoolyard to battlefield, reminding him of all the times he should’ve told Bucky he loved him. However, it was too late for regret, and the war was running its course, waiting for no man. Steve was forced to push his grief to the back burner, never fully dealing with his pain, in order to put his country first and take down Hydra. 

 

11 days later he crashed the plane into the Arctic.

 

 

 

Looking back, Steve thinks it was God letting him finally be with his soul mate.


End file.
